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Early in his career, Bob Dylan wrote the song, Mixed Up Confusion. The title itself gives you a sense of the song. For the singer, it is confusion squared, confusion upon confusion—even my confusion is confused. Dylan’s last verse:

But I’m walking and wondering
And my poor feet don’t ever stop
Seeing my reflection
I’m hung over, hung down, hung up

Trying to hold onto life by insisting this is and this isn’t, we end up (more or less) confused. We are up against life’s uncertainty—the old paths ineffective and unsatisfying—the path ahead dark. Aware of life’s flux, the heart/mind has nothing to grab. We lose the ability to explain ourselves to ourselves or others.

Life is transformation, and this confusion is exactly where we want to be, as we enter life not knowing and not having it “together.”

When students come to teachers on the koan way, they are often ill at ease, dissatisfied, or confused as they ask their questions. This is deeply embedded in the tradition. In the story of Bodhidharma and his successor Huike, Bodhidharma fosters doubt, unease and confusion in Huike.

Bodhidharma sat facing a wall while the Second Patriarch stood outside in the snow. To prove his determination and sincerity, he cut off his arm and presented it to Bodhidharma, and said, “Your disciple’s mind is not at peace. I beg you, Master, give it rest.”
“Bring your mind here,” replied Bodhidharma, “and I’ll put it to rest for you.”
“I’ve searched and searched, but I can’t find my mind.”
“There, you see, I’ve put your mind to rest for you.”

—Gateless Gateway Case 41

 

Come join us Thursdays, for koan meditation, a dharma talk, and conversation. Register to participate. All are welcome.

I hope you will join us.

—David Parks Roshi, Director of Bluegrass Zen