Zen Master Xuanze had affinity with Fayan. Once Xuanze was appointed as director in the assembly of Fayan. And one day Fayan said, “How many years have you been here?”
Xuanze replied, “I have already been in the teacher’s assembly for three years.”
Fayan said, “You are a student, so why don’t you ever ask me about Dharma?”
Xuanze said, “I dare not deceive the teacher.  When I was at Qingfeng’s place, I realized peace and joy.”
Fayan asked, “Through which words were you able to enter?”
Xuanze responded, “I once asked Qingfeng, ‘What is the self of the student [i.e., my own self]?’  Qingfeng said, ‘The fire boy comes seeking fire.’”
Fayan said, “Good words, only I am afraid that you did not understand them.”
Xuanze said, “The fire boy belongs to fire. Already fire but still seeking fire is just like being self and still seeking self.”
Fayan exclaimed, “Now I really know that you do not understand. If Buddha Dharma was like that it would not have lasted till today.”
Xuanze was overwrought and jumped up. Out on the path he thought, “He is the guiding teacher of five hundred people.  His pointing out my error must have some good reason.” He returned to Fayan’s place and did prostrations in repentance.
Fayan said, “You should ask the question.”
Xuanze asked, “What is the self of the student?”
Fayan said, “The fire boy comes seeking fire.”  Xuanze was greatly enlightened.

Fireboy (firegirl, fireperson) seeks fire. Life seeks life.

Back in graduate school, my professor in Philosophical Theology claimed that one of the saddest things in life is not knowing what you want. What I want, or desire, is like a fire that ignites me and leads me through life. In this heat is the meeting—fire meeting fire.

Yet, most often we nail our self-image to desire. Our desires define the sense of self. We are nailed to a notion of ourselves that we promote and defend. But, forgetting self-image for a moment and who you think you are, then what is the quality of the desire then?

The energy of that fire—perhaps here, life touches life. The very fire that burns in your wanting is the fire of life itself, the universe alive, continuously renewed, and immediately present.

Come join us Thursdays, for koan meditation, a dharma talk, and conversation. Register to participate. All are welcome.

I hope you will join us.

—David Parks Roshi, Director of Bluegrass Zen